Being independent does not always lead to a desensitized
state of autonomy though it does have, at times, a tendency to direct an
onlooker to ascertain and analyze that independence is akin to self righteous
and/or isolating behaviors. This person
behind the written word thinks this holds true more for the female gender than
for the male as strength many times is seen to be a positive character trait
for most men - however this can just as easily be seen as a “defect” in a woman. In many ways American society and culture
grooms a girl to be nothing more than a weak token of a males affections, led
to sway in one direction or another at a whim – when in true reality we each
have a given body and brain that intrinsically are led to form an individual
and strength filled position. When this
position is found to stand firm or to not bend at the subtlest of breezes,
often times that strong woman is not deemed to be a resilient, independent
character as she should be termed but instead the derogatory name calling such
as the slang ‘bitch’ is flung out ruthlessly by both those men and women around
her who cannot simply applaud the true convergence of both soul and mind. To those women I know who stand firm and
stand strong even when a wind storm is rattling even the sturdiest of
structures around you, I applaud you – and I love you. March on, you independent women, and never
let go.
Showing posts with label strength. Show all posts
Showing posts with label strength. Show all posts
Saturday, June 7, 2014
The Lightning Bug
As I wandered outside late this evening for the last potty
time with the dog, my eyes ventured upwards.
Not only did I see the stars far up in the distant sky, but there were
two lightning bugs blinking in the still calm.
I immediately turned back to my childhood, when my Granny would hand me
empty jars she had stock piled for balmy summer nights just as this to capture
the mysterious bright bugs. And, as my
mind tends to be a bit more philosophical now that I am older, I immediately
realized what a bright shining light those two little bugs were in the deep
darkness of a midnight drift outside. My
thoughts spanned back in time – through the hurdles, through the joys, through
the last few days and the last few years.
How many times did I feel lost in the blackness of life when a
difficulty came my way. Had I only
looked up and seen the blinking of a bug, emanating it’s light for all to see –
would that light have made a difference?
As I stood there wishing that every moment could have a guiding light such
as that from the glow bugs, I realized that within me – within each of us –
there already exists a natural glow. I
believe we are drawn to the lightning bug because it simply reflects the
strength we already have inside.
Bottling the bug as so many of us did in times of old will only reaffirm
what we already know to be true. That we
are a light, we do shine, and each of us can light up the night if we so
choose.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Not Strong Enough
Was up early on a Saturday for a track meet.
Gone are the days I can just hop in the shower and head out the
door! Just a few months ago I finally
figured out how to add putting on makeup back into my routine. I was tired of hearing my 12 year old tell me
how ‘tired’ I look. Now I still appear
tired, but at least my face shows it with a rosy glow and lined eyes!
As I was rolling through my fog of having to function early Saturday morning, I began to ponder over the latest action news in my normally obsolete romantic life. Understandably, I’m really not looking to date. I’ve always said that if God wants me to have a man in my life, He’ll literally drop him in my life. In January a guy asked me out…in church. Considering the atmosphere I was in, I agreed.
Very upfront about my situation, I gently informed this guy just how many things he’d have to wrap his arms around if he became a steady pillar in my life. I hold firm that any man has to have a very big heart, and very large arms, to wrap around my life. It’s not just me – but one pre-teen, one infant, two cats, one old blind deaf, dog, my mom who comes over practically everyday to help, a job that is worked from home, and a house that’s constantly a revolving mess. That’s a lot to wrap around. He seemed to envelop this, stating he commends me for working at home so as not to utilize day care and having someone else raise my kids, and that he’d worry if my house was neat as that would mean I wasn’t focusing on my family or my job. Unreal, I thought. Who is this man? I was not used to the support and it seemed his values lined up exactly with mine.
I’ll spare you the gory, mushy details. Two months later after a bit of a slow run, I receive a phone call stating he wasn’t coming over as planned because “the guys” were at his house for a ball game. He quickly transitioned into a very roundabout conversation that led me to wonder what had just happened when I had hung up the phone. There was talk about it being slow (wasn’t that what we had agreed to do? Move slow and get to know each other?). That it is amazing because I am one of the greatest women he’s ever dated, and he just can’t say anything negative, but that I have ‘a lot going on’ (um, I know – didn’t I tell you that?). At one point he even stated that he was glad we talked about this lull between us and we’ll see how it goes. Then it quickly moved into the “I’m so glad we’re friends, and you can’t have too many good people surrounding you”, at which point his friends started getting louder and he said he better get to the game. I hung up the phone and actually had to sit and translate what had just happened. I came to the conclusion that he had just broken it off. Yeah, go get your friends buddy. And here’s a hint – if you don’t want to spend your next four decades single like you’ve spent your last four, don’t break up with a girl as your friends sit in the next room watching the game. Be respectful enough to at least do it in person and plainly communicate through it! I watched an interview with Aretha Franklin a few Sundays ago. The host politely asked the famous singer about her love life – or the lack of it. Smiling in her quiet fashion, she promptly responded that none are strong enough. I double that, sister!
As the day winds down to a close and the once applied makeup wears off, I know I am strong enough, even if someone else is not. It can get lonely being the strong one every day, all day, but I know my shoulders are strong, my heart is big, and my arms can wrap around this house and all those in it.
As I was rolling through my fog of having to function early Saturday morning, I began to ponder over the latest action news in my normally obsolete romantic life. Understandably, I’m really not looking to date. I’ve always said that if God wants me to have a man in my life, He’ll literally drop him in my life. In January a guy asked me out…in church. Considering the atmosphere I was in, I agreed.
Very upfront about my situation, I gently informed this guy just how many things he’d have to wrap his arms around if he became a steady pillar in my life. I hold firm that any man has to have a very big heart, and very large arms, to wrap around my life. It’s not just me – but one pre-teen, one infant, two cats, one old blind deaf, dog, my mom who comes over practically everyday to help, a job that is worked from home, and a house that’s constantly a revolving mess. That’s a lot to wrap around. He seemed to envelop this, stating he commends me for working at home so as not to utilize day care and having someone else raise my kids, and that he’d worry if my house was neat as that would mean I wasn’t focusing on my family or my job. Unreal, I thought. Who is this man? I was not used to the support and it seemed his values lined up exactly with mine.
I’ll spare you the gory, mushy details. Two months later after a bit of a slow run, I receive a phone call stating he wasn’t coming over as planned because “the guys” were at his house for a ball game. He quickly transitioned into a very roundabout conversation that led me to wonder what had just happened when I had hung up the phone. There was talk about it being slow (wasn’t that what we had agreed to do? Move slow and get to know each other?). That it is amazing because I am one of the greatest women he’s ever dated, and he just can’t say anything negative, but that I have ‘a lot going on’ (um, I know – didn’t I tell you that?). At one point he even stated that he was glad we talked about this lull between us and we’ll see how it goes. Then it quickly moved into the “I’m so glad we’re friends, and you can’t have too many good people surrounding you”, at which point his friends started getting louder and he said he better get to the game. I hung up the phone and actually had to sit and translate what had just happened. I came to the conclusion that he had just broken it off. Yeah, go get your friends buddy. And here’s a hint – if you don’t want to spend your next four decades single like you’ve spent your last four, don’t break up with a girl as your friends sit in the next room watching the game. Be respectful enough to at least do it in person and plainly communicate through it! I watched an interview with Aretha Franklin a few Sundays ago. The host politely asked the famous singer about her love life – or the lack of it. Smiling in her quiet fashion, she promptly responded that none are strong enough. I double that, sister!
As the day winds down to a close and the once applied makeup wears off, I know I am strong enough, even if someone else is not. It can get lonely being the strong one every day, all day, but I know my shoulders are strong, my heart is big, and my arms can wrap around this house and all those in it.
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Living with Integrity (and Laughter!)
Ahhh, you think I'd be used to this single mom thing by now. But, I have
found every day is different, and each dawn comes with its own challenges. A
wise woman once told me the best I can do is to live each day with
integrity. For me, it’s not living with
integrity – it’s surviving with integrity.
And a survivor I am. As my
journey is revealed throughout these blog posts, it is my hope that my words
may speak and come alive for another.
I am one, but I no longer stand alone. I know that now, but for many years I thought just the opposite. One in four women throughout their lifetime will personally experience or be exposed to some degree of domestic abuse. Feelings of isolation and seclusion were prominent; living with an abusive man can be a very solitary existence. Masters of control and manipulation, they are very adept at pulling you away from every comfort you once knew – including your own self-confidence.
Many who have witnessed or experienced abuse do not speak up, fearful of what may happen if they do. Because of this understandable fear, the statistics on abused women are not concrete, and many court systems as well as counselors underestimate the unyielding power an abusive man holds. In turn, many therapists, judges, and law enforcement officials often do not give the abused the help they so desperately need in times of crises. I know all this not only because I have been down that muddled path, but because I have learned through self instruction and through counseling with a local crises center the tools and education I need to move on, and to move up.
Some days this blog will be about my struggle or my survival, some about my past or educational tools for the future. Others will be about the mundane and sometimes overwhelming day to day tasks a single mother faces, or even just the silliness of having a twelve year old, a nine month old, two cats, and a fifteen year old blind, deaf dog – all in the same household - with only one woman coordinating it all. (To confirm the silliness – I must share with you the afternoon the rice fell off the top shelf of the pantry, scattering all over the floor, right after we came out of hiding in the closet from a tornado warning with the electricity being out. This was shortly followed by my oldest son dropping a can of root beer which subsequently exploded all over the tile. In the midst of it all, the poor old blind, deaf dog piddled on the kitchen floor in the confusion. True story. I kid you not. Welcome to my world!) I do not want my journey to only be about the heavy or the oppressive, because there is so much more to it than that. There IS joy, and there IS hope, and I want to convey that. And when it is all said and done, the dry rice on the floor which is absorbing the root beer in the dark which is being spread around by the dog wandering around really is funny, if you stop and think about it.
If you are reading this and are in an abusive relationship yourself, please use caution if you are using your home computer. An abuser will check your activity, whether it be via phone records, computer history, or travel itineraries. Make sure at the least to clear your computer’s history, cache, and cookies, and for your own safety, use a public computer or go to a trusted friend or family member for the use of their PC. Many cities have crises centers for domestic abuse; if you are ready to seek help please utilize the wonderful resources they offer, or go to a trusted friend or family member to have them help you institute your safety plan as leaving an abuser can be a potentially dangerous situation.
I am one, but I no longer stand alone. I know that now, but for many years I thought just the opposite. One in four women throughout their lifetime will personally experience or be exposed to some degree of domestic abuse. Feelings of isolation and seclusion were prominent; living with an abusive man can be a very solitary existence. Masters of control and manipulation, they are very adept at pulling you away from every comfort you once knew – including your own self-confidence.
Many who have witnessed or experienced abuse do not speak up, fearful of what may happen if they do. Because of this understandable fear, the statistics on abused women are not concrete, and many court systems as well as counselors underestimate the unyielding power an abusive man holds. In turn, many therapists, judges, and law enforcement officials often do not give the abused the help they so desperately need in times of crises. I know all this not only because I have been down that muddled path, but because I have learned through self instruction and through counseling with a local crises center the tools and education I need to move on, and to move up.
Some days this blog will be about my struggle or my survival, some about my past or educational tools for the future. Others will be about the mundane and sometimes overwhelming day to day tasks a single mother faces, or even just the silliness of having a twelve year old, a nine month old, two cats, and a fifteen year old blind, deaf dog – all in the same household - with only one woman coordinating it all. (To confirm the silliness – I must share with you the afternoon the rice fell off the top shelf of the pantry, scattering all over the floor, right after we came out of hiding in the closet from a tornado warning with the electricity being out. This was shortly followed by my oldest son dropping a can of root beer which subsequently exploded all over the tile. In the midst of it all, the poor old blind, deaf dog piddled on the kitchen floor in the confusion. True story. I kid you not. Welcome to my world!) I do not want my journey to only be about the heavy or the oppressive, because there is so much more to it than that. There IS joy, and there IS hope, and I want to convey that. And when it is all said and done, the dry rice on the floor which is absorbing the root beer in the dark which is being spread around by the dog wandering around really is funny, if you stop and think about it.
If you are reading this and are in an abusive relationship yourself, please use caution if you are using your home computer. An abuser will check your activity, whether it be via phone records, computer history, or travel itineraries. Make sure at the least to clear your computer’s history, cache, and cookies, and for your own safety, use a public computer or go to a trusted friend or family member for the use of their PC. Many cities have crises centers for domestic abuse; if you are ready to seek help please utilize the wonderful resources they offer, or go to a trusted friend or family member to have them help you institute your safety plan as leaving an abuser can be a potentially dangerous situation.
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