A Day in the Life of a Single Mother

• There will always be Cheerios hidden on the kitchen floor, dirty laundry in the hamper, and toys on the floor.  Always.  No matter how hard I try otherwise.
• I am always late.  No matter how early I wake up.  God has already given St. Peter at the gate notice that when I am called Home, he has time for a coffee break, because I will show up late.
• Silence and quiet are two things never in my house, at least not until both boys leave for college.  I have 17 more years to go, at which time I will probably have forgotten what silence and quiet are like and will go out of my mind attempting to make enough noise on my own to liven the house up a bit.
• A dinner is not always from a recipe, and sometimes not even from the oven.  In fact, suppers from a box or a McDonald’s happy meal does quantify dinner.  Gourmet suppers that take hours to prepare are a thing of the past.
• I never have enough time to get myself ready.  I just count my blessings that I manage to make it out of the house and remember to change from my slippers to actual shoes.  (As a side note, I actually got in the car one time still in my slippers.  Luckily, as I went to shift into reverse, I noticed and sped back in the house to change.)  My son is petrified I will show up at school unknowingly still in my pajamas.  I don’t promise him otherwise, as one day it might just happen.
• My house will never be clean.  Not completely.  Most days I have to dust the dust off of the Pledge before I can begin to clean.
• The days will always run together.  One evening I searched incessantly for a favorite television program.  Only after cursing the network for removing it did I realize that the TV show I was looking for is televised Monday nights.  Today was Friday, not Monday.  Somewhere I lost an entire weekend.
• On any given day, something is always missing, broken, or needing to be purchased. 
• I will always wake up exhausted, no matter how many hours of sleep I get.
• I will always second guess myself insofar as the decisions I make on my own that affect my boys and our future.
• ‘No’ is the most often used word in the English vocabulary, followed by stop and then sit.  At least in my vocabulary.
• Is single motherhood an Olympic sport?  It’s not?  It should be.
• I have resigned myself to never being able to go to the bathroom again in peace, and that I will not get a shower that is over five minutes for many years to come.
• Most men look at my life, smile, and keep going.  That’s okay.  It takes a strong person to wrap their arms around all the blessings I have.  I’m okay with waiting; my boys are too important to simply settle.
• Social life?  I’m sorry, what is that again?
• On any given day, my calendar and to do list have more items on them than the New York Stock exchange. 
• No matter how hard you try to explain it, people just can not visualize the life you lead and why walking around with dried baby milk on your shoulder just really isn’t a big deal, in the grand scheme of things.
• No matter how busy your day is, there is always room to dry tears, help with that really unbearable math problem, and tuck each little angel in at night.
• You will always forget something every time you leave the house.  As long as it’s not the children, it will be okay.
• ‘E’ doesn’t always mean empty on the gas tank.  Sometimes it stands for just ‘Enough’ gas to get the kids to school, drive through the bank to make a transfer, slide into the grocery to get more formula, before gently coasting to rest at the pump – with just enough room to get the nozzle in the tank.
• Although single motherhood was not my choice, I’ve come to embrace all that it offers.  What other life experience can cause you to grow in ways you never imagined and obtain strength when you thought yours was completely depleted?

In the Stillness

I wrote the contemplation below on Thursday, April 29, 2010, but as I reread it, I realized the message is even more important today.

“Be still and know that I am God” Psalm 45. Be still….in this day and age all of us struggle with being still. How does one truly be still in order to hear the words of the Spirit whispering in our ear when we battle daily with the mundane tasks of life? Yet in essence this stillness is the most important, and could be the most powerful, part of our day if we allow God to work in us and through us. When we allow God to truly use us and guide us, miraculous things can occur. To truly be still and to truly quiet one’s heart to hear the voice of Our Lord is not an easy task. Life often gets in the way. We get caught up with our families, with our jobs, and with the never ending list of errands and tasks. This is not what we are called to do. Psalm 45 directs us to be still. Only in the stillness can we truly feel the love of God entering our hearts and calming our souls in order to then be gentle receivers and givers of God’s grace and mercy. This does not mean that we let our lives go by the wayside and just sit there waiting for the next directive from God. It does mean that we take at least a few minutes from every day to put the cares of the world on hold so we can spend quality time hearing from Our Lord and handing Him our cares. Jesus wants us to lay our burdens and our stress at His feet, so that He can help us to sustain, and so that we have the energy to be still in order to hear Him. This day, let us come to our Savior in prayer, so that the God-given stillness can immerse our hearts and our souls, allowing us to be peaceful servants in His world.

Our Father in Heaven,
We come to you with our burdens, our stress, and our busy lives. We ask you to help us lay those worldly things down, if even just for a bit, so that we can be still and hear your words that whisper through our hearts. Help us to be quiet so that we can feel your Presence, and to be aware that you are ever with us. In the stillness, please enter our heart and allow us to be your servants, ever guided by your unfailing love.
In Your Name we pray,
Amen

Agony statue at Abbey of Gethsemani, photo by Brother Paul Quenon

Exhale

Today was a beautiful day in Kentucky – fresh, crisp morning air, beautiful sunshine, and just that right amount of heat that can lend to taking off the long sleeves and sporting one of the first short sleeves of the season.  Driving to church this morning with the baby in the back, I had the windows rolled down and the radio tuned to an upbeat Christian station.  It was one of those mornings filled with promise, when you knew it could hold anything and everything you wanted it to and you felt as if you could conquer anything.  And then smack – it happened.  One of those moments where a memory of the past was triggered, joggled free from the brain bank, and the feelings and emotions of preceding times shot so strong through my being I felt as if I was back in that moment.  It rendered me speechless.  The entire switch of atmosphere was caused by…..a road sign.  Yes, I saw a road sign.  Advertising a bridal show.  The exact same bridal show in the exact same location that was pivotal in years past with my baby’s daddy.  And that one plain blue sign brought in a rush of emotions that caused my breath to suck, my heart to palpitate, and my brain to temporarily forget just where I was and what I was doing.  In just a few short seconds that felt as if they were a millennium, a cascade of emotions hit my soul.  From the euphoria felt at a new love, to the steady beat of the growing relationship, to the jolt of what happened and how it all ended.  In that short amount of time, the sun seemed to dim, the radio though playing could not be heard, and the road ahead of me seemed to blur into a colorless haze.

When I came out of the buzz of the past, my breath was shallow and my grip was locked on the steering wheel.  I had to force myself to concentrate on the roadway and the cars around me.  The sun, once warm on my cheeks, was blazingly bright.  I blinked, not only to take away the glare of the sun, but to take away the rushing, harsh emotions that had just radiated through my being.  I again heard the radio playing, and realized one of my favorite songs had turned into a commercial break.  I switched the channel to another Christian music broadcast to help bring me back into the present.  Still shaky, I realized I could let this throw me back into that time when things weren’t as bright or I could stand straight, pick myself up, and keep moving on.  Shaking the rocky breath out of me, I chose to conquer the past yet again.  Looking in the rear view mirror at the road behind me I realized it was just that – behind me – and as my gaze fell forwards I caught my baby in his car seat…and I smiled.  Focusing ahead, I was at peace. And I exhaled.